


Despite the Shit (You Put Me Through)

by HavocRoyale



Series: We're All Stars REDUX [6]
Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, oh Regina you poor gay mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:47:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HavocRoyale/pseuds/HavocRoyale
Summary: But she’s having fun. Honest to god, fun with Janis Sarkisian for the first time since 8th grade. Janis takes jabs at the characters in The Great Gatsby and in whatever late night cartoon is playing on the TV, and she’s quick witted and full of light and laughs and Regina realizes how much she’s missed this. How much she’s missed being around Janis and being her friend.She realizes that maybe Janis was right and that maybe she did have a crush on her in middle school.
Relationships: Cady Heron/Shane Oman (Mentioned), Regina George/Janis Sarkisian, Regina George/Shane Oman (Mentioned)
Series: We're All Stars REDUX [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1738498
Comments: 2
Kudos: 24





	Despite the Shit (You Put Me Through)

**Author's Note:**

> Just some revisions, Regina has A Lot going on in her head lol

All of this week had this weird, awkward, tense air about it. If Regina had to guess, it was because she wasn’t walking quite as proud as she once did. She was unfocused and rethinking everything she did all day. She couldn’t stop thinking about her talk with Aaron and the follow up chat with Janis. 

Janis Sarkisian! Of all people, she never thought she’d live to see the day she goes to Janis again for help. But she hadn’t really known who else she could go to. Gretchen was a lesbian and they were working on fixing their friendship but something about going to her for this felt  _ wrong. _ Like a puzzle piece that only  _ almost _ fits, but one side is just a little too big. And Cady was off the table, she knew for a fact that if she  _ does _ like women, then it’d probably be Cady she’d fall for.

_ Which in itself is a ridiculous and incriminating thought, what straight girl would just know which best friend they’d fall in love with if they were gay? _

__ But in the end, Regina went to Janis for help and she  _ didn’t _ kill her or out her afterwards. In fact, it was her own idiocracy that outed her to her friends. Well…”outed” if it counts when you still aren’t 100% sure in yourself. Cady made some comment about Shane’s heterosexuality and potential lack thereof and she just had to open her big mouth and reply “so did I and yet here I am” and just let the world know that maybe she’s not as clandestine as she acted.

Or well, “clandestine” isn’t the word. That implies being gay is dirty or something and maybe she isn’t totally comfortable in her,  _ potential _ , identity yet, she knows it’s not a bad thing. It’s not a  _ dirty _ thing. Janis would probably swat her upside the head if she said that out loud.

_ As if Janis would so much as stand next to her nowadays. _

__ That was an action old Janis would do, middle school Janis, the Janis that now that she’s thinking about it, she might’ve harbored feelings for. Oh the irony. Probably at least, Regina thinks that’s ironic, truth be told english was never her best subject…that was always Janis.

Who, speaking of, Regina kept catching staring at her all throughout the week. Not glaring, just...looking at her? Observing her maybe? She never backed down when their eyes locked, Regina laughs to herself at the thought, Janis was always incredibly stubborn. She’d sooner lose than give up, even in an awkward staring contest.

And  _ then _ as if she was just begging the universe to make matters worse, her party yesterday hadn’t gone as...smoothly as she would have liked. The day had started smooth enough, a little bumpy in the liquor store when Shane had told her point blank that he was, for lack of a better word,  _ scared _ of her hurting him again. He’d said they could talk more later and she had every intention to hold him to that promise. She needed to apologize to him,  _ really _ apologize, like she’d done for Gretchen or Janis.

_ Only...when she went find him, he had his hand up Cady’s shirt and his mouth on hers and...And all Regina could feel was disappointment. _

Nearly five years of being essentially the only person in Shane’s eyes and then Cady was the first and only person to dethrone her and steal any boy from her and now she doesn’t even have Shane. Cady took him as well. Regina’s not even sure she  _ wants _ Shane like that, no, she  _ knows _ she doesn’t...probably...but it still hurt seeing that. Seeing him with someone else. And with Cady of all people...she’d thought earlier this week that she definitely had a crush on Cady. But now, she’s not so sure...she doesn’t really care that Shane was making out with  _ Cady  _ because she was  _ Cady _ as much as she was upset that it was The Girl Who Dethroned Her.

_ She mistreated Shane and set Cady up to take everything from her...she really shouldn’t be shocked they’ve found each other. Even if Shane’s right. But did they really have to hook up at her party? Especially in her own fucking bed. They couldn’t have at least done that in a guest bedroom or something? _

However, she’s all but forgotten the awkward week and was desperately trying to forget last night as she’s sitting at her desk, attempting to get through her homework. She’s got a lot after having missed so much school after the accident. Until her phone buzzes at least and she notices that it’s a message from Janis.

She’s asking if Regina had blocked Shane...as mad and upset as she may be, Regina George has never blocked that idiot and this wasn’t going to be the exception. Aside from the general weirdness of Janis private messaging her, something else in the message feels...off.

And as it turns out, it’s because Janis Sarkisian is high. Smoking pot in her basement and attempting to get her own chemistry homework done, amongst other work as well probably. When Regina attempts to blow her off, Janis is quick to ask for help on her homework. Which somehow leads to Janis inviting Regina to go over and get high with her. Which Regina does in fact accept.

_ Her junior year is already so weird, this might as well happen. _

So now she finds herself with her backpack slung across her shoulders as she walks to Janis’ house, suddenly very thankful that Janis only lives maybe five houses down. Regina used the garage door so her mom didn’t hear her leave, hopefully she’ll be just as stealthy when she’s high and she comes home.

Janis answers the front door before she even raises a hand to knock, a dopey grin across her face, “I was waiting at the window. C’mon, we’re goin’ to the basement so you don’t gotta take your shoes off.”

Wordlessly, Regina followed close behind Janis to the basement door and down the stairs. It was quite the sight to behold. Papers and books and binders and pencils scattered all across the floor in front of the TV. The coffee table very obviously dragged out of the way and the couch pushed back as well to provide more floor space. The ceiling had an assortment of rainbow flags tacked to it, each one having their own unique painting on them, almost definitely all done by Janis herself if Regina had to guess. There was a few lava lamps scattered on shelving and tables around the room and some fairy lights strung along the tops of the walls.

It also smelled  _ strongly _ of cannabis and...Axe body spray... _ god, did she try to cover up the weed smell with fucking Axe? _

__ Regina did her best not to gag on the invading smells. She feels like she might deserve a trophy for such a feat honestly. Janis wasted no time laying out on the floor beside the mass of papers, one of her cats, Van Gogh, Regina  _ thinks _ , climbs onto her back. She nods her head towards the papers when she looks over at Regina, still just awkwardly standing at the foot of the stairs, “You can just sit wherever.”

“Uh...sitting on the floor is kinda...difficult,” She gestured to the spinal halo, “Yunno, cause of this thing.”

“Oh! Right, sorry. I’ll go upstairs and get a table chair,” Janis was up the stairs in a flash.

Regina jumped at the feeling of something furry against her legs. She looked down to see a little tortoiseshell cat without a tail brushing up against her and purring. She doesn’t remember Janis having two cats, when did she get this one?

She squats down best she can to pet the cat, “Hey there...what’s your name?”

There’s the unmistakable sound of Janis and the chair in her arms bumping into the walls and doorway behind her, “So, like, this one isn’t that comfy but it’s the easiest to carry and so- Oh. I see you’ve met Picasso.”

“Of course, it’s named Picasso,” Regina chuckles to herself. Janis sets the chair down across from where she had been laying earlier, “She. She’s a girl.”

“When’d you get her?”

“After I got home from the hospital in 8th grade. She’s a registered service animal.”

_ Oh. _

Janis sits back down on the floor, crossing her legs and patting her lap for Picasso, “I’m supposed to take her to school, especially on bad days but like...I dunno, feels weird. Like people already stare at me so much, imagine if I brought a  _ cat _ with me? And in a bright blue little vest too!”

“...Yeah,” Regina has never felt more awkward before now, she ignores it and takes a seat in the wooden chair Janis brought down for her, “So, you said you needed help with your chem homework?”

Janis looks over at her, clearly confused for a moment before realization dawns on her, “Oh! Yeah. So like, I totally don’t understand 15?”

She grabs a paper in a way that makes Regina feel like it was completely random which one she grabbed and hands it over to her across the mess. She doesn’t even look at it for more than a few seconds when she hands it back, “Janis, this is your trig homework.”

“Oh,” Janis doesn’t even look at her, her attention is completely absorbed in the cat in her lap.

“Are you going to hand me the right paper?”

Janis shrugs, still focused on Picasso, “Eeeeehhhhhhhh, I’m already going to summer school, yunno. It’s not on my highest priorities list really.”

“Then why am I here?” She pinches the bridge of her nose and lets out a sigh. 

_ Of course Janis wasn’t actually going to be studying. _

“Cause like, Caddy wants us to be friends. And it’s not gonna be any easier to talk to you normally unless I’m high as hell, dude.”

Something in that hurts. Regina doesn’t know if it’s the fact that Janis can’t stand being around her unless she’s on drugs, or if it’s the implication that Janis  _ doesn’t _ want to be her friend. But  _ something _ hurts when Janis spoke. She gets ready to just stand up and leave when something across the room catches her eye.

It’s a collection of glossy photos tacked messily onto a cork board. 

She stands up and wanders over to them instead of the stairs. Some are clearly taken within the past year or so. Pictures of Janis, Damian, and Cady all piled onto her couch or at the mall. Others are older. Janis before she dyed the bleached the ends of her hair, with her cats or some dogs. Almost always with Damian or Shane or even her dad and sister. There’s a few of Janis somewhere that is  _ definitely _ not Illinois, and with or just of another boy. Regina thinks she vaguely remembers him, dark curly hair, tan skin, dark clothes. JD or TJ or something, a friend from before Illinois,  _ before Regina. _

A single picture catches her eye.

It’s tucked away behind one of Janis and Damian. It stands out because she can clearly see Janis, younger when she still had a baby face and her hair was shorter and she still had braces. And she can see the edges of a second person in the picture, someone with blonde hair and a pink jacket. It’s her because of course it’s her, who else has Janis ever been friends with, with blonde hair and a jacket so bright pink it’s practically glowing. Carefully, Regina pulls the picture out without damaging it or the picture in front of it. 

She remembers the moment the picture was taken quite well, it was one of the last time she saw Janis when they were actually friends. A sleepover here, they were baking cookies with Janis’ dad and watching High School Musical. They were trying to eat the cookie dough instead of setting it out on the tray while Mr.Sarkisian had left the room to get the camera and check on Holly sleeping. 

“You kept this picture?” She doesn’t know what possesses her to ask Janis about it, “Really?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, ‘course I did, dude,” Janis sounds uninterested.

_ “Why?” _

“Dunno...guess I couldn’t let go of what you  _ were _ completely or something, “Okay now she sounded aggravated, “Or I missed you or something, I guess.”

_ Oh. Okay then. She can handle that. _

“You  _ missed _ me? Seriously? After everything I did?”

_ That was not handling it, Regina. _

Janis scoffs, harsh and loud, like she  _ wants  _ Regina to know she fucked up. As if she isn’t already yelling at herself for that, “Uh, yeah? You were my best fucking friend, Regina. I didn’t have anybody else up here  _ but _ you for the longest time. And you threw it away because of what? Because you were afraid of yourself? Your own selfish bullshit?”

Regina bristles at the accusatory tone and the questions hurled at her. But Janis is right. It was selfish and it was messed up and of course she would miss nearly her  _ only _ friend at the time. So Regina tells her as much.

“You’re right. I fucked up. But I’m trying to get better, can you maybe at least acknowledge that...I mean, the only reason I’m even here is because Cady wants us to kiss and make up or whatever!”

_ Bad choice of words. _

She steels herself, not breaking her line of sight from Janis on the floor across the room. She knows she’s blushing and she swears Janis is too. This was...a thing...that was happening. 

“Interesting choice of words. Don’t think that’s really what Caddy had in mind though,” Janis actually, for the love of god,  _ laughs _ like this was just some big joke to her.

“Yeah.”

There’s a lapse of silence that is too long for Regina’s comfort, but Janis seems to be handling it fine.

“So like...did you have a crush on me in middle school?”

She doesn’t know how to answer that. She doesn’t  _ have _ an answer for that, she’s never thought about it that hard. She’s always tried  _ not _ thinking about it hard enough to know. She tries to think of a response that doesn’t sound like she’s being defensive about it, Regina may not be best friends with Janis anymore, but she knows how Janis will take defensiveness on the matter. However she doesn’t get to think of a reply because she watches in horror as Janis stands up and takes long strides over to her with a smug grin, “You’re not saying nooooo~”

“I-I didn’t say yes either!”

_ Way to not sound defensive, Regina. _

Janis picks up on the tone, her smile growing twice the size and exposing her shiny,  _ straight _ teeth. They’re probably the straightest thing about her, and they weren’t even like that naturally which probably should have been some kind of sign or something, “Why so defensive, Reggie? Got something to hide?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sarkisian,” She tries to look away but her line of sight was directly with Janis’ lips and they actually looked really soft and nice…

_ No. No no no no, she is NOT going there. Absolutely not. _

“You’re staring.”

Regina pulls her eyes up to meet Janis’, they’re a little bloodshot and half lidded, and her pupils are blown wide.  _ That’s right, she’s fucking stoned. _ Regina can’t believe she forgot, it’s not like Janis would have even invited her over if she wasn’t, let alone be...flirting? _ Was this flirting? _ It felt like it might be, but again this is Janis Sarkisian. She’d rather jump off a cliff probably than even entertain the _ thought _ of flirting with her, Regina George, “You’re one to talk. You’ve been staring at me all week.”

_ Way to egg her on. _

Janis makes a surprised face like she forgot who she was dealing with here, it goes back to the smug expression quickly however, “Touche. But, you toooooootally had a crush on me in middle school.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

There was another lapse of uncomfortable and awkward silence. Janis was  _ way _ too close to her.

Of course Janis was the one to end it, “Have you ever kissed a girl?”

“What? No! No, of course not. Have you fucking met me? I’m like... _ the  _ biggest closet case at Northshore,” Regina laughs, wanting to get out of this situation more than ever now...except she was also really curious and if Janis was asking questions, then why shouldn’t she follow up, “Have you?”

“Kinda hard when you’ve been completely ostracized by your peers.”

_ Ouch. _

“You went to art camp, though. They couldn’t  _ all _ have been from Evanston.”

“Yeah and? Let me add that you also gave me a reason to feel terrified that any even  _ slightly _ accidental looks or touches or anything would be taken as sexual and predatory,” She wasn’t smiling anymore and she was angry again and this was just one big huge disaster.  _ A mistake. _

“Right. Sorry. I should just...leave,” Regina sets the photo down on the shelf and makes her way around Janis intent on just leaving and getting back to her own studying. She’s stopped by Janis’ hand grabbing her wrist, “ _ Wait. _ No. I said I was going to try and forgive you. You’re not like that anymore, or you’re not trying to be, whatever, I don’t really care just…. _ I’m _ sorry.”

Regina swallows around a lump in her throat. This entire weekend is going in every batshit direction it can manage.

“If you really want you can still leave. We’ll be better off if we don’t force this and I got mad for Caddy trying to “force” it but here I am! So...I don’t know, you don’t have to leave. I’ll still try and help you with your english work if you want me to and you stay.”

_ God, they really were the fucking worst at this. _

She turned around, “Yeah, okay. I’ll stay. But only because Mrs.Grant is still making me write this stupid essay on The Great Gatsby and like deeper meanings or some crap.”

Janis really laughs so hard she wheezes, “Regina, really? You can’t just...okay nevermind, I agreed to help. I won’t make fun of your illiteracy.”

“I’m not illiterate!”

“Okay. Whatever helps you sleep at night,” Janis mocks.

The study session actually happens and it goes by like lightning. It’s almost 10pm before Regina even thinks to look at her phone again. She decides maybe that means it’s probably time to leave.

But she’s having  _ fun. _ Honest to god,  _ fun _ with Janis Sarkisian for the first time since 8th grade. Janis takes jabs at the characters in The Great Gatsby and in whatever late night cartoon is playing on the TV, and she’s quick witted and full of light and laughs and Regina realizes how much she’s  _ missed _ this. How much she’s missed being around Janis and being her friend.

She realizes that maybe Janis was right and that maybe she  _ did _ have a crush on her in middle school.

Janis walks her back to her house because she “has nothing better to do anyways” and is “bored and probably going to be up for most of the night anyways as well.” But Regina kind of wants Janis to miss her and also not want her to leave just yet as well. So that’s what she tells herself. She expects the walk to be quiet and maybe awkward, but Janis is apparently not finished chattering away yet. She sticks her hands in her pockets and stares up at the sky for most for the walk, telling Regina about what constellations she can find and remember thanks to Cady. 

Regina realizes quickly that Janis probably has a big obnoxious crush on Cady because not once does a dopey grin leave her face when she talks about the stars. It hurts, in all honesty. She wants someone to think of her like that and hold her hand again and just listen to her talk about whatever she loves at that moment. Maybe she doesn’t want Janis specifically to be that for her, but just... _ someone.  _

_ She’s lonely. Incredibly lonely...Especially without Shane now... _

She tries not to dwell on it or the fact that they’re at her house, so Janis is going to leave and go home now and leave her even  _ more _ alone. They awkwardly just stand facing each other for a moment. Until they manage to lock eyes and somehow, Regina just knows what’s about to happen before it does.

Janis places a hand on her cheek and leans down and just...kisses her. It’s rushed and quick and a little awkward because Regina can’t adjust any with this stupid spinal halo on. She’s partially really annoyed with that because even if this is Janis and sudden and a little weird, she hasn’t kissed someone in months and she’s never kissed a girl at all and it already feels better than kissing Aaron or Shane or whoever else. But she’s also really glad they can’t get  _ too _ into it or go any further because she’s not stupid, they need to talk about this for sure.

She lightly pushes at Janis and the taller girl backs off quick. She looks embarrassed, “Sorry! Sorry, just….I don’t have an excuse or anything for that…”

Regina really can’t believe what she’s about to say.

“No, it’s fine...I liked it. I...kissing a girl is nicer than kissing boys,” She thinks for a moment, Janis is  _ more than likely _ in love with Cady...and Regina ruined her life for being gay...nothing could possibly be meant by this. And she probably won’t remember this tomorrow either because she’s still pretty high, so Regina takes a chance, “I wouldn’t mind doing it again sometime...just...after I get this dumb halo off…”

Janis’ face is still red as can be and she’s staring at her feet, “Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I’m gonna go home….let’s...not tell anyone about this. Until we talk at least I guess.”

_ Of course, does Janis think she’s stupid? _

“Of course not. Night, Sarkisian.”

She’s already halfway to the road, “Yeah, night.”

Regina’s brushing her teeth when she drops her brush into the sink and realizes what really just happened outside her house. Janis kissed her and she kissed back and she told Janis that she’d  _ be okay with doing more. _

_ Oh god, she has a crush on Janis. What a perfect fucking turn of events. _

**Author's Note:**

> I've written myself into a tangled web of miscommunication and love shapes oops
> 
> And it's going to get WORSE before it starts getting untangled lol sorry this actually has like a timeline so I've already got the next few plot points planned out (i.e. the hawaii vacation, the aaron vs shane dilemma, shane and the sarkisians, etc etc)
> 
> As usual kudos & comments are super appreciated!!! Tell me what you liked or what you think or ask questions!! I actually really like talking about these things lmao


End file.
